sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize