Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
