now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Boobs are out for the taking
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
