Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize