Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
