I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
