I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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