At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
