a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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