Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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