I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
