I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize