Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
