The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
