We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
