Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
