can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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