It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
