i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
