fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
