Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
