I wish I only lived at night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
