I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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