Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
