Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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