As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize