and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
