his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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