Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
