dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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