it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I understand Curling. That high.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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