My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I checked into jail on foursquare
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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