my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize