I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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