Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
my poor anus
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
