whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
