How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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