what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
