i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
