You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
