Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
