I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
