Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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