I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
