Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
