Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
