bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
