we're blogging at a bar
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
