Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
