i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
