i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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