Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
