You smell like stripper and shame
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
