hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
