what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize