I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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