Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
