Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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