When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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