from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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