saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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