so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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