Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
