she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
