I wanna passion pit in your ass
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
