either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
