also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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