Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just want to make out with him forever
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
