the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
