They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
