I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
