I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
