is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
