Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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