I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this just has baby written all over it
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
