Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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