the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
