so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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