it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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