don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
