She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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