Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize
