So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
