yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
her vagine was all disorganized.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
