ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
