If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
