I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
