I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
