Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
