Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My pussy is not your playground.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
