So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
