one might say we're banned from that church
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
