oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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