Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
