just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Drunk is not a location!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
