ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The air was thick with penises
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
