i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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