Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
last night I used snow as a chaser
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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