it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
