I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
