Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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