I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
