Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Shame is for Republicans.
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