Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
