At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
