I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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